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About This Episode
Many people have a difficult time interacting with people—in family, at work, on social media, and in everyday life. But people skills are crucial for building relationships and developing agency. In this episode, Nathan discusses how authenticity and honesty provide a simple framework for strengthening your people skills.
This is the third installment in the series on the four languages of agency: mechanical skills, organizational skills, people skills, and aesthetics. Nathan breaks people skills into two episodes due to the breadth of the topic.
How Homeschooling Allowed Me to Focus on Truth
Nathan explains how homeschooling enabled him to arrive at adulthood focusing on truth and virtue rather than peer approval. The purpose of education isn't to create factory workers, but to enable understanding of truth and how it affects every aspect of life. Homeschooling forced him to interact across age groups rather than conforming to an ignorant peer group.
Drawing from Jordan Peterson's rule "Tell the truth, or at least don't lie," Nathan emphasizes being more concerned with truth than what people think. This creates a simpler decision matrix: "What is the truth?" and "Should I speak or not?"
C.S. Lewis from "The Four Loves": "The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends... There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something... Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers."
My Homeschool Upbringing and Basic Combat Training Culture Clash
At 19 in basic training (2003), Nathan wore his faith and convictions openly, telling fellow recruits he was a virgin, didn't curse or drink, and was homeschooled. Despite initial shock and criticism, people later admired his conviction. He learned from a boss: "Stop worrying about what everybody else thinks and just do the right thing."
Learning Authenticity from a U.S. Ambassador
During strategic communications training with former U.S. ambassadors, Nathan was critiqued for using colloquial language like "y'all." However, one ambassador defended his authenticity, saying they wanted to help him because of how naturally and authentically he spoke. Authenticity builds trust and cannot be faked.
Knowing God's Design for People
Nathan's framework for viewing people is built on Genesis 1:27 ("God created man in his own image...male and female he created them") and Psalm 139:13-14 ("you knitted me together in my mother's womb...I am fearfully and wonderfully made"). Every human has unique value and dignity as image-bearers of God.
A George MacDonald quote emphasizes that each person has a unique relationship with God and reveals aspects of the Father that others cannot: "In every man there is a loneliness, an inner chamber of peculiar life into which God only can enter...a chamber in God himself, into which none can enter but the one, the individual, the peculiar man."
The framework: Care about truth, don't lie, decide whether to speak or remain silent. View every person as fearfully and wonderfully made, created in God's image, capable of revealing aspects of God that you wouldn't see otherwise, despite their sinful state.